A girlfriend reached out to me recently in a bit of a love funk.
She hadn’t felt like herself in a while… a tiny voice inside of her was telling her to “slow down” and “focus on herself,” but she was scared.
She’d been single for a bit and loved the adventure and attention that came from being with men. But lately she felt her sexcapades were pulling her away from her goals and self-care.
And while the attention felt good, she was starting to feel disconnected from her true self.
She was craving something deeper.
As a life coach who works primarily with women in their 20s and 30s, I’ve seen how confusing modern love can be for women. In a society that casualizes sex and promiscuity, it’s easy to feel lost when it comes to relationships, boundaries and our sense of self.
After all, us millennial babies were raised in the sexual revolution 2.0. Our Barbie dolls had big boobs and mini-skirts. Our role models were the Carrie Bradshaw’s and the Britney Spears’ of the world, women who celebrated and flaunted their sexuality. Remember Christina Aguilera’s Dirrty?!
On one-hand we’re taught that casual sex is liberating, empowering and an act of “feminism” to a degree. But deep cultural shaming around sex and the female body still exists.
Lots of opinions… Lots of views…. Lots of perspectives… most of them controversial or taboo.
When you break it down to a cellular and energetic level, sex actually is a pretty big deal.
I mean think about it…
It’s a sacred ritual, a powerful union, a literal act of creation designed to birth a fresh human being onto the planet. In truth, there’s nothing really all that “casual” about it.
Whether you’re looking to pursue a path of single self-discovery, connect with your sexuality in a new relationship or deepen your connection to your existing partner, this week’s article will help you navigate the complicated terrain of modern love and reconnect with your true desires.
If you're finding yourself in a bit of a love funk or just looking to reignite a deeper relationship with yourself, try out the tips below, and let me know in the True North Tribe how they play out in your life.
Listen to your intuition.
We all have an inner guidance system. When we’re lost, in a funk or uncertain about a decision, all we ever have to do is look within and listen to that tiny, still voice within. She’s always got your back. Trust her.
Sometimes her guidance will defy logic or be the opposite of what your best friends or mom is telling you do to, trust her anyways.
If she’s telling you to slow down when it comes to sex and focus on YOU, pipe down and listen up. She’s got a good reason for guiding you.
If she’s telling you to say yes to that second date, trust her! Don’t get all in your head about him so quick…
If she’s telling you to end things, that he’s not the one and this relationship just isn’t right, end it. You’ll be grateful for it.
Honor your femininity.
Guys and girls… we’re different.
And as much I as am 100% totally and completely hands-down for gender equality, I think it’s equally as important to honour and celebrate the things that make men and women different.
While men are biologically programmed to “spread their seed,” women are biologically programmed to seek out providers. Subconsciously we’re looking for somebody who can take care of us, because back in the day (aka tens of thousands of years ago) we needed a man who could hunt, start a fire and defend us against wild animals if we were going to survive.
So even if our minds tell us all we want is a casual fling, our cells are still seeking a long-term partner. And this is why women often feel disillusioned or disappointed when a relationship is solely based on sex. It doesn’t satisfy our DNA or subconscious desires, even if we’re feeling all fab and Carrie Bradshaw-esque.
Seeking to understand yourself deeply as a woman and honouring your truth will help you navigate matters of the heart with a wisdom that will get you through anything.
Practice soulful self-care.
Take sweet care of your mind, body and spirit, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable or going through a rough time.
The ego’s voice can be fierce and relentless when we’re hurting. It tells us we should do this, be that, get over them. Don’t believe it!
Instead nurture your sweet spirit. Tune in and listen deeply to what you need. Give yourself permission to unplug from the pressure and simply take care of yourself.
Eat nutritious meals. Move your body daily. Go dancing with your girls.
Whatever you need to do to take care of your precious soul, do it.
Create + uphold your boundaries.
Creating strong physical, mental, emotional and spiritual boundaries will help you protect your energy and prevent you from feeling drained or used.
If you feel like people have been taking advantage of you, create a boundary.
Sometimes that means having a tough conversation, other times it means setting a boundary simply with yourself.
Make a promise to yourself to not let negative people invade your space, and when that boundary gets tested (which it will) honour your commitment.
Cultivate genuine relationships.
Nurture the relationships in your life that bring you joy and focus on cultivating genuine connections with new people who enter your space.
People can lift and inspire you, or they can weigh you down and fill you with self-doubt. Be selective about who you let into your circle and work to create meaningful, loving relationships in your life.