When I was 24 years old I began studying meditation with a teacher in my hometown.
Every other Thursday morning I’d drive to her quaint suburban home, sit crossed legged on her big beige couch and meditate with her. Sometimes I’d be there for hours. In a trance of wild wonder and awe about what I was feeling and discovering within me.
She’d teach me about spirituality, the science behind meditation and the Bhagavad Gita. She never revealed too much. Her philosophy? Only when her students asked the questions would she give the answers.
I had a lot of questions.
One winter morning, after we wrapped our meditation, I asked her about ghosts and spirits. I wanted to know if they were real. I opened up and shared with her that I’d had experiences my whole life that caused me to seriously question the “it’s just your imagination” line my parents drilled into me as a child.
Her eyes glanced over at me knowingly. She smiled.
“You’re not making it up,” she said.
She went on to explain that there are multiple dimensions in this universe. And while our experience is a physical one, non-physical energies also exist.
While all of us do have the ability to perceive and connect with these energies, for most of us this muscle has atrophied because we’re taught to believe that it simply isn’t real.
Hearing her say that…. confirming something that from the depths of my being I’d always believe to be true but was scared to confront, liberated me. I finally felt free to explore and open up to aspects of myself that I’d spent decades denying existed.
The veil between me and the spirit world has always been thin.
I’ve heard voices and whispers… people shouting my name from the next room… doors opening and closing… I’ve seen sparkles of light … colourful orbs… etc… on-and-off for most of my life.
I was raised Catholic and as a little girl I have vivid memories of talking to angels, Jesus and Mary on nights where I struggled to fall asleep. Prayer has always been a big part of my life. And I’ve always felt a close connection to God and to nature.
I remember pondering big, abstract questions as a small child. I wondered why I was here? Where I came from? What happened when we died?
But as I grew up, I trained myself to believe that I was making it all up. I was raised in a culture and family where the supernatural wasn’t really understood or embraced. So like most people, my parents thought I had a wild imagination. And at some point, I believed them.
Yet I remained deeply curious and fascinated with spirituality.
5 years old… I’m reading a “crystal ball” in my closet pretending to be a mystical fortuneteller. My crystal ball? It’s a big, white balloon tucked into a Kleenex box.
6 years old… I remember seeing my first spirit. A girl my age in Victorian clothing, while at a street festival with my family in downtown Dundas, Ontario.
10 years old… I ask my dad to buy me a little girl’s spell book from Chapters. He obliges. I go through a “magic phase” and start doing tiny rituals in my bedroom.
15 years old… I attend my first hot yoga class. While my reasons for being there are totally vain, I feel deep connection to my body and fall in love with the practice.
16 years old… I discover metaphysics. I learn that my thoughts create my reality and use these new tools liberate myself from a period of anxiety and depression.
17 years old… I buy my first deck of tarot cards and start to give readings to myself and friends for fun. My Oujia board makes a few appearances at parties…things get a bit spooky.
When I was 23 I went through what I’ll describe as a spiritual awakening. After graduating university with a journalism degree and working for a few years as a reporter and freelance journalist, I felt disconnected, depressed and totally unclear about what I was supposed to do with my life.
The work I was doing, didn’t light me up at all. It felt like everything I’d spent the past 5 years creating and working toward, didn’t interest at all any longer. I was so uncertain about what was next.
During university my life was so full, I barely had time to dabble in my spiritual pursuits. Aside from the occasional yoga class , some psychedelic nights and an obsession with crystals, I lived mainly in my left-brain planting seeds to carve out my career path as a journalist.
But here I was and none of that mattered. So I did the only thing I knew how to do in a moment of total weakness… I prayed. I asked God, Higher Power, the Universe for guidance.
And just like that I found myself back on a spiritual path.
I began devouring self-help books, studying A Course in Miracles and meditating daily. I started journaling and playing with my Tarot cards again.
It wasn’t long until I felt my inner guidance directing me towards a new career path: life coaching. And while initially the cynical journalist in me completely rolled my eyes at this thought… I mean “24-year-old life coach” c’mon? I couldn’t deny how undeniably right this path felt in my being.
While working toward my coaching certification in 2014, I started a process of deep inner healing.
I realized my life was mine to create. And if I was going to create the experience on this planet that I longed for, I’d have to shed the belief systems that robbed me of my power to do so.
So I began to show up and do “the work” as many spiritual teachers call it…. healing childhood wounds, forgiving myself and others, processing my emotions, and cultivating strength, love and compassion.
The past few years have been real and raw.
Not long after I founded my coaching practice, I knew it was time to process and heal from the sexual abuse I’d endured as a small child. Memories of this trauma began to surface in my late teens, but I wasn’t ready to face it.
When I was 25 I finally felt strong enough.
Opening up to my family about what happened and forgiving my abuser, were two of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I struggled with bouts of anxiety, depression and bulimia since I was 9-years-old… all of which, I believe have their roots in sexual abuse.
Speaking my truth and surrendering my pain shifted a lot in me. And I finally feel like I’ve found the strength to speak openly about my story.
A week after coming out to my parents about my sexual abuse, I got my first tattoo.
It’s the Sanskrit symbol for the word Satya, which means Truth. I promised myself that afternoon that no matter what, I’d always stay true to myself, even when (and especially when) the truth felt scary.
So here I am, opening up in candid detail for the whole Internet to read about my personal spiritual path and new age journey. I know in my bones the time has finally come to step out of the spiritual closet and into my power and intuitive abilities.
For years, my passion for spirituality and all things new age always came with a side dish of worry and fear…
Would my parents accept me if they knew I wasn’t into this stuff? Will my friends think I’m weird? What if I’m actually just a crazy person? Will my boyfriend break up with me?
These are all thoughts I’ve literally had over the past year as I’ve allowed myself to open up and deepen my connection to spirit.
I believe that we all have psychic abilities and deep intuition – especially women.
I also believe that many of us are conditioned consciously and subconsciously to suppress and deny these aspects of ourselves because historically in our culture, things didn’t go so well for spiritually powerful women… Salem witch trials any one?
But I know in my heart, that by being brave enough to own and honor these aspects in myself, I am giving permission for other women (maybe even you) to do the same.
And to me, that is powerful.
That is what this life is all about.
So moving forward you’ll see more blog posts and articles about intuition and this new age journey that I’m on. My services have also shifted slightly to embrace this path and what feels fun for me right now.
I hope this new direction serves you!