Do You Lie to Yourself? Why Self-Deceit Kills Self-Growth

Do you lie to yourself?

Just pause here for a second and really reflect. 

Is it true that you’ll “never be able to lose weight,” or that “all guys are cheaters,” or“you’re not ___________ enough to get THAT job, man, home, etc”? 

Is it really true that you’re “not ready” to start that business, host that workshop or commit to making change? 

I’m riffing real deep on self-deceit today because I believe passionately and wholeheartedly that beginning right here, right now you start TELLING YOURSELF THE TRUTH. 

No more excuses. No more bullshit. No more lies. 

Because no deceit is more damaging than the lies we tell ourselves. 

Meet Laura. 

Laura is a client of mine I’ve been working with for about nine months. She hired me last fall, right around her 29th birthday, to help her make some bold changes in her life. She wanted to feel better in her body, transition into a new career, and find a wonderful new relationship. 

Nine months into our coaching work together Laura’s got a brand new job in California, a love interest blossoming with an amazing new guy, but when it comes to her body, she feels pretty much the same: slightly overweight and embarrassed about it. 

She wishes she exercised more often, ate healthier and was able to feel light, energetic and sexy in her wardrobe. Like many who struggle with weight loss, she knows what she needs to do, but just can’t seem to make it happen. 

We explored Laura’s beliefs about her body on a recent call. And she told me she just felt like she wasn’t meant to be skinny. She believed that her body wasn’t designed to be lean or fit, that she was built “heavy” and “big-boned,” and therefore would be that way forever. 

I reminded Laura about all of the amazing changes made over the past year. Everything she’d worked so hard to shift, change and transform. And then I asked her, if the story she was telling herself about her body were true?  

Did she really believe that because of her DNA that she would was destined to be slightly overweight and unhappy with her appearance forever? 

She paused, took a breath, and said, “I guess not.” 

And then she opened up. She explained that she felt like she was telling herself that story as a way to deflect responsibility. It was too painful for her to believe that her own choices were behind her unhappiness with her looks. It was easier to believe it was nature’s fault, society’s fault, genetic’s fault. 

Boom. Blame as a way to shed responsibility.

THIS is how women (and men) hand over their power every single day. When we don’t take responsibility for our lives and our choices we are powerless to change them. Powerless. 

And after awhile, we get comfortable in our powerless state. It becomes home base. We know we can survive here. It might not be what we truly want for ourselves, it might not be the life we dream of when we close our eyes, but it’ll do. 

But, if you crave more, if you long for a lifestyle that truly reflects your highest potential, that is beautiful, magical, joyful and exciting, you NEED TO STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. RIGHT. NOW. 

It’s only by being brave and getting painfully honest with yourself that you’ll be able to discover the gems of wisdom you need to transform and move forward. 

The wisdom you need to get you out of debt, into the right relationships, creating a career that lights you the fuck up. You know – all that stuff you really, really want.  

Before our call ended, I asked Laura who she needed to BE in order to feel good in her skin and make positive changes to her body. Words like committed, empowered, kind to myself, patient, honest, dedicated, supportive, fun and outgoing, active, true to myself, came tumbling out of her mouth. 

Then I asked her HOW she was able to make the other big changes she’d made in her life this year. She said the biggest thing was simply believing it was possible and consistently acting in a way that reflected her belief. 

By the end of our conversation, Laura really felt like she could get out of her body slump, because for the first time in a long time, she really believed it was possible. 

 

Change can ONLY happen if you believe it’s possible. 

And you’ll never get there if you continue to lie. 

 

So, if there’s something in your life you really, really, really want to change, it’s time to get real. Be honest (but gentle) and do the scary thing: expose the lies you’ve been telling yourself and get to the truth of the matter. 

And if you feel like you need support, visit my coaching page. I’ve got a handful of spaces open in my  practice this summer for women who are ready to drop the bullshit and live the life they know in their hearts they’re capable of living. 

If that’s you, please reach out. 

Anything (and everything) is possible for you. 

 

Just love, 

Alex

PS: If you’re looking for a safe space online to receive coaching, accountability and support, join the True North Tribe

 

IF YOU LIKED THIS POST, BE SURE TO CHECK OUT: