Embracing The Dark Side

I know, I know… it’s been quite awhile since I’ve blogged. I hope you missed me as much as I missed you!

Let me explain (as best I can) why I’ve been so MIA.

For the past 3 years I’ve devoted myself to personal and spiritual development.

I’ve read dozens of books, taken tons of courses, traveled the world, committed to a daily meditation practice, watched a gazillion talks and videos from spiritual teachers of all traditions… as my guru Gabby Bernstein would say, I’ve literally become a full-blown spirit junkie! And it’s been an awesome ride!

I am so deeply grateful for all of the self-discovery and transformation that’s occurred in my life as a result of my spiritual practice and the deep dedication I have to living up to my potential.  

But when you devote yourself to real inner work, like I have, you’ve got to deal with some real nasty shit sometimes. That’s just the nature of being human. We all have shadows and skeletons in our closet.  Demons we’d rather not face…

Last month, a big part of my shadow bubbled up to the surface.

Its timing couldn’t have been worse. It was right before the holidays as I was creating new content and coaching programs for the New Year. I’d worked on this stuff throughout most of the fall and was super excited to launch in January.

In the past, when anxiety would creep in or hard memories would rise to the surface, I’d distract myself. Work, alcohol and drugs, partying… I’d use whatever I could to avoid feeling the feelings I didn’t want to have to feel.

But this time, when the darkness bellowed up and out of the tiny cage I’d stuffed it into and sealed shut years ago, I knew I really had to deal with it. And that meant giving myself the time and space to truly heal.

So I did just that.

It wasn’t easy though… My ego started playing all sorts of slick head-games with me.

You’re not marketing your services around New Years??? That’s the PRIME TIME to be a life coach. You’re missing a golden opportunity!

 Everyone will forget about you and all your hard work will go to waste if you just stop sending newsletters and posting on social media!

 Your readers and clients will think you’re no good if you break your consistency! Successful people are always consistent.

 How will you make money??? What do you think it grows on trees???

In addition to my ego totally freaking me out, I had to confront some pretty heavy stuff.

I had to open up and share my burden with others. I had to actually feel all of those feelings I spent years running from and numbing. I really had to practice what I preach and apply the tools and techniques I so often teach my clients to my own personal chaos.  

And you know what? It actually worked.

As a naturally optimistic and vibrant person, chilling with all this darkness has been hard. It’s been uncomfortable and awkward. But I’ve realized, in a really powerful way, how necessary it is to living a happy and whole life.

Giving myself permission to take time to truly heal these own wounds, has allowed me to actually heal them. I feel so much lighter, clearer and expansive. I feel a deeper connection to myself and my True North.

I don’t know if I’m fully through the tunnel yet, but I am feeling strength and grace I’ve never felt before. I feel lit up with inspiration and a renewed sense of devotion to my spiritual path and coaching practice.

 I’m still not in a place right now where I feel totally comfortable sharing the details of my healing journey with you, but know I will write about it when the time is right.

I will say though, to any of you dealing with darkness or healing of your own don’t run from your shadow, or ignore it, or pretend like everything’s fine, when really it’s not.

Be real.

If you need to heal, give yourself permission to do so, and don’t undertake the task alone. Reach out to loved ones, get yourself an epic therapist, or hit reply right now and let me know what’s going on. I’m being totally serious.

As someone who carried a secret struggle around for a very long time, I know how heavy life can get when we feel like we’re in it alone. But the truth is, we’re never alone.

Give yourself the space and support you need to move through whatever mountains are blocking your path and you will emerge on the other side with such grace and resiliency that you will THANK your struggles for making you so strong.

I’m in that place now, and man, does it ever feel good.

Just love,