A few months ago, I was in a baaaaaad place.
On the surface, it all looked great. I had landed what I thought was my dream-job, recently moved in with my guy, and was hot off an awesome road trip with my favourite girl-squad. The life I had spent months dreaming of had finally manifested itself in material form. YAY! Steady income. Job title. Sweet house. Perfect man. Kittens.
I was super grateful for everything in my life, but …. for some reason I felt like shit.
It was super weird and really freaked me out. My usually optimistic inner voice turned into a big-time critic. She was bitter, negative and complained, a lot. I felt exhausted, burnt out, directionless and devalued.
Instead of leaning into these feelings and using them to make better choices, I suppressed them. I let them eat away at me, and to top it all off, I felt guilty for having them in the first place.
My inner dialogue often went something like this:
Who am I to complain about my job? Tons of girls would love to be where I am. Who am I to feel stressed? The only person I really have to look out for is myself, no kids, no mortgage, no aging parents. Stop being so selfish. You’re not unhappy, it’s just a rough phase. You’ll get used to the workload. Try harder. Push more. Get disciplined. Tomorrow will be better.
It took awhile for me to get real with myself, like months. And my realness, it happened in stages.
After one particularly rough week I found myself in the self-help section at Indigo desperately seeking guidance. Among the cheesy titles one stood out to me, mainly because it had a really slick cover.
I’ve always been into goal-setting, development and spirituality. I picked it up and skimmed….
You want it.
Aspiring. Hoping. Reaching. So you make a plan to get it. The bucket list. To-do lists. Objectives. Goals.
You’re not chasing the goal, you’re chasing a feeling you hope reaching the goal will give you.
We have the procedures of achievement upside down. We go after the stuff we want to have and accomplish outside of ourselves, and we hope and pray that we’ll feel great when we get there. It’s backwards. And it’s burning us out.
What if, first, we got clear on how we actually wanted to feel in our life, and then set our intentions? What if your core desired feelings consciously informed how you plan your day, your year – your life?
You know what will happen with that kind of inner clarity and outer action? You’ll feel the way you want to feel more often than not. Decisions will be easier to make. You’ll know what to say “No, thank you” to and what to say “Hell, yes!” to. I bet you’ll complain less. You’ll be more optimistic, more openhearted. It will be easier for you to turn to your center in the midst of a challenge – I promise.
You will do much less proving and way more living.
And you will have more to give the world. For starters.
Welcome to The Desire Map.
Hmmm.. I thought, that sounded pretty freakin’ amazing. It was like Danielle LaPorte, the author, crawled into my brain, read my thoughts and told me exactly what I needed to hear. It was creepy, but in the best way possible.
I bought the book and spent the next week devouring it.
I loved Danielle’s style. Bold, punchy writing. Straight to the point. Impactful. The Desire Map is part theory and part workbook. She gets you to dig deep and get brutally honest with yourself so you can become super clear on how it is you want to feel. You come out of the process with three to five core desired feelings, that you then integrate into your goals and routine.
This process liberated me. It revolutionized my life in every way, shape and form. After I solidified my core desired feelings, which are Radiant, Ablaze, Abundant and Free, I felt so empowered and excited. I began to craft my life around these feelings, it started out small, but the shifts I experienced were profound.
I began to make time for the things I loved like hiking, writing and photography. I stressed wayyyy less and began to feel myself pulled to more soulful books, people and experiences.
It soon became very clear to me I needed to quit my job. I tried, tried and tried again to weave my core desired feelings into my routine at work, butttt no dice. No matter what I did I just couldn’t feel good at work. I used to feel like I didn’t like my job because I sucked, because I wasn’t good enough, because I had more to learn.
But through Desire Mapping I realized that there was nothing wrong with me, this job just simply wasn’t a good fit and was no longer a part of my path. I believe your feelings are clues to your purpose. When you’re not feeling good, you’re not living in alignment with your path. I learned to see my consistently negative feelings around my job as a sign I needed to go in a different direction. So I did. And when I finally resigned I felt a sensation of such deep relief, I knew I’d made the right decision. Regrets = 0.
Six months later I’m in an amaaaaaazing place.
I feel full of energy, love and appreciation for my life and experiences. I’ve spent the past few months in life coach training and my mission is to help twenty-something’s figure out what they want to do with their life and create a vision that aligns completely with their values, skills and gifts. I feel so psyched to be able to build a career that allows me to inspire and empower other young people.
I also feel so incredibly blessed to be able to teach the Desire Map to people through workshops. I was one of the first people to sign up to be a Desire Map facilitator and I will be hosting workshops in-person and online throughout 2015. I feel so honoured to be able to guide people through this transformational process and inspire them to put themselves and their feelings first.
For those of you out there feeling freaked-out, frustrated or stuck, I want you to know, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Humanity doesn’t gain from your loss, in fact we all lose. You are here, right now, reading this for a reason. Your life matters. And you have something very special to contribute to this planet. By not turning inward to discover what that gift is, you are not only doing yourself a disfavour, you are doing us all a disfavour.
Lean in to your feelings. Let them guide your to your purpose. Let them steer you to your soul.
3 Reason’s Why You Need to Get Clear on Your Feelings….like, now:
1. You deserve it. Feeling great is your birthright. If you don’t wake up every day feeling totally stoked about your position as a human on this planet, you’ve got to realign my friend. That’s not to say you can’t have a bad day from time-to-time, but feeling shitty consistently is nahhhhhht okay. It doesn’t have to be that way. You DESERVE better.
2. You’ll create goals and intentions that really light you up. Maybe you’ve already got a five-year plan or list of new years resolutions, but do they inspire you? I mean really, really inspire you. Your dreams, goals and intentions should align with how you want to feel and what you want to create. Getting clear on how you want to feel gives mind, body and spirit the fuel it needs to create and chase big, fat juicy dreams. It’s a serious game changer.
3. They lead you to your purpose. I whole-heartedly believe that every single person on this planet is here for a reason. Nobody has the killer combination unique looks, smarts and skills that you have. You’ve got a special role to play in the evolution of this planet and your purpose is to figure out what that is and then do it better than anybody else. I know that sounds like *huge* task, but it’s actually really simple. Here’s why: your feelings are clues to your purpose. When you’re feeling good it’s a sign your living on your path. Ideas will flow, you’ll meet the right people, ask the right questions and slowly begin to uncover what it is you’re really here to do. When you’re clear on how you want to feel, your path just naturally unfolds. I promise.
Your feelings are really important and really powerful. You desire the things you desire, for a reason. It all means something. So before you apply for that job, enrol in that program, move abroad or in with that guy, ask yourself: how does this make me feel? And again, how do I want to feel? Then follow your instincts.
If you’re interested in The Desire Map or in joining one of my upcoming workshops click here. I’d absolutely love to help you reach your own personal breakthroughs. I can’t even express how much this process changed my life.
Taking the time to soul-search and invest in yourself is honestly one of most valuable ways to spend your money, time and energy. The insights you’ll experience will revolutionize the way you approach life, in the best way possible.
Have you read The Desire Map? What approach do you take when creating your goals and plans? Do you focus on feelings or is there something else that guides your process? Let me know the comments below!
With so much peace + love,