Finding The Wisdom in Resistance

Photo by @coconutandlime.

Photo by @coconutandlime.

I love my clients.

Nothing makes my heart swell more than helping women consciously create their lives. Hearing about their breakthroughs, big shifts and sweet successes gets me genuinely giddy.

But that’s not why I love them.

Here’s the truth: my clients are my greatest teachers.

The life lessons I take away from our sessions are so valuable. Through coaching them, I coach myself. Often I finish a call with a totally fresh perspective on something I’ve personally been struggling with or get the answer I’ve been looking for.

Business decisions. Relationship issues. Healthy habits. Creative blocks.

Every client I connect with holds a lesson for me – and that’s why I love them to bits.

This week my tribe was on the exact same page. While each client’s situation was different, their frustrations were the same: resistance.

Hear me out on this one because I’m sure you can totally relate. Think about the last time you tried to make a positive change in your life. Maybe it was waking up earlier, eating healthier, exercising in the evenings or calling your friends and family more often.

You made a plan. You knew in your heart sticking to it would get you your desired results. But when it came down to taking action, you stopped.

You slept in. You bought fast food for lunch. You turned on the TV. You left the phone on the hook. You never followed through.

Why? Why is it that even when we know something is good for us, we still hesitate to act on it.

This, my friends, is called resistance. And it happens. All. The. Time.

When your conscious mind is in conflict with your subconscious mind the result is resistance. Your conscious mind – the part of you thatknows the new habit you are trying to create is good for you – has to battle your subconscious mind, the part of your mind already conditioned by your past, current habits and lifestyle.

The reason why it’s so hard to create a new habit is because the power of our subconscious mind is much greater, according to science – than our conscious mind.

If you try and fight it, you will struggle and ultimately lose. Sucks, doesn’t it?

Actually, no.

To move forward, you’ve got to get your subconscious mind on your team. You’ve got to convince her that aligning with your conscious mind is in her best interest.

While she’s stubborn, she has your back – because ultimately you created her. She’s the culmination of every thought, experience and belief you’ve ever had. And she’s resisting you for a reason.

There is wisdom in resistance. Because your subconscious mind holds every lesson you’ve ever learned, there is probably something she knows that your conscious mind doesn’t, something that’s freaking her out and stopping her from helping you follow through.

To get her on your team, you’ve got to find out what that is.

Let me explain how this process works by using my own life has an example.

This spring I hit a bit of a glass ceiling in terms of growing my business. I was comfortable with where things were at, but really wanted to expand my client base and explore new opportunities. I really wanted it, and I worked hard to make it happen.

But no matter how much energy and effort I put into manifesting a more prosperous business, I stayed stuck. I knew there was a limiting belief within me that was blocking me from accessing the success I truly desired.

So I busted out my journal and probed my subconscious. I asked her why she was afraid of me expanding my business. And then the light bulb went off. 

The past few jobs I held totally burnt me out. When I worked in marketing and in journalism, I was in a consistent state of stress, neglecting my health and self-care, feeling limited creatively, and had little time for adventures with friends and family.

My subconscious, conditioned by my painful past experiences, was trying to prevent me from making another stressful career move. She wasn’t trying to sabotage my success, she was simply trying to make sure I took care of myself.

All it took was a little curiousity for me to understand my inner-self on a way deeper level. By asking my subconscious mind why she was resisting me, I discovered a truth about myself I never would have known.

With the light shining bright on my limiting beliefs, I used love and kindness to get my subconscious mind on my team. I wanted to show her that more success in my business wouldn’t equal more stress – it would actually result in more freedom.

I reminded her that the whole entire reason I started my own virtual business was to have a free-spirited lifestyle. And I promised her that if expanding my business meant more stress and less self-care, I would reevaluate.

Then I created a declaration I used as a way to gently remind my subconscious mind that the more successful I was, the freer I would be.

My success increases my freedom and fun.

An avid meditator, I’d repeat this declaration quietly to myself each day before and after meditation. And all throughout the day as I checked emails, created content, worked with clients, I silently repeat it to myself.

I also surrounded myself with positive examples of women who were thriving while running their virtual businesses. These are women who were enjoying success, without compromising freedom and fun.

And slowly, things shifted.

I got amazing feedback from the women who joined my virtual workshop.

Fresh names began to pop up in my inbox curious about working with a life coach.

And an amazing opportunity working with a brand I admire came into being (I’ll share more on this one soon!).

Next time you find yourself falling off the wagon or struggling to follow through on making a positive change, do not get upset with yourself. Follow these steps instead. Remember, there is always wisdom in your resistance. The more open you are to receiving it, the more successful you will be.

  1. Be curious + interview your subconscious. Ask your subconscious mind why she’s resisting you. What’s she trying to tell you by holding you back from acting on your goals. Tip: Writing down your answers in a journal is often more clarifying then thinking things through in your head.
  2. Make a pact. Promise your subconscious that if what she fears for you comes true, you’ll change course. Put her at ease.
  3. Create a gentle reminder. Craft a declaration, affirmation or mantra you can use as a way to gently remind your subconscious that the positive change you’re trying to make will benefit your life and make you feel good.
  4. Surround yourself with positive examples. Find examples of people who’ve done what you’re trying to do and thrived as a result. Show your subconscious mind that it’s possible for you to have it all.

New territory can be terrifying. But we are all powerful creators. If we know how to use it, our mind can be our biggest asset when it comes to designing and living a life we love.

With love,

Alex